The vacant night is dying

Something so routine, something I have taken for granted has just been taken out of my life. I wish I could join all of you at the frontline, helping and serving. You guys are amazing, noble and sefless.


:(

Nothing will work out, its over, for real this time, this is the end to everything. All those empty hopes, everythng is nothing now. All the promises meant nothing, I should have known right from the start, so many people warned me, why was i so stupid? Last night i shared with Cal what true happiness meant, how we must give and take and told him to do his best to make things work for himself. I am such a joke, who am i to share about this??? 

5 more days :-)

Edit/

25th, this is the day, that came and passed. As juvenile as this sounds, life sucks take drugs, this is a test as to how two/three/four/five/six-faced i can be.

It's like, now, my mind is still in a perpetual blank. The fear still persists after 9 hours, I just get scared thinking about it. The fragility of life and helpless I felt then was wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wahhhhhhhhhh it's the kind of feeling where you can actually feel your heart missing a beat. I think I have always thought I wouldnt be scared in such situations I thought I could think and behave logically, but I didnt. I did what I must say, I now feel quite ashamed about. I can give myself excuses like, I was just trying to protect myself...., but truth is why did I shun away, so much for growing up wanting to help people extend a helping hand these personal statement kind of thing? I think I have failed my own ideals.

Tonight was amazing :)

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed
and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

Fucking frustrated with myself for the whole day, it was terrible, it was as though I was fighting a battle within myself, I was being frustrated over nothing, I just felt very, inadequate. Everythings too overwhelming, I have all the time in the world that I can make something out of nothing, wonderful. I am more than prepared to move on to the next phase of life, though I dont exactly know what and where's my next phase of life. Everything seemed so simple when we were kids, people would tell you what to do, step by step dummie guide, sigh hate growing up, cant imagine how we would be like 20 30 years later,

Talking and meeting up with old friends bring back alot of memories.

With the crescent bunch there's never awkwardness or whatsoever even though we rarely meet as a big group, those naive and carefree days, sneaking off to bowl during softball, vi jabbing the javelin into her shoes, d and t teachers chan mali chan tu tu kueh, all the cheap canteen food, mass run (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and the list goes on. Cindy is still as horny as ever, liling's mahjong is still so good, cheryl is still as caring as ever, pam still curse and swear at me all the time even though she makes sure i reach home safely all the time knowing how bad i am at orientating myself, sam is still the same old rich kid spoilt brat, vi being vi herself means alot to me, for nic i miss you lets skype soon come back soon no one peels prawns for me like you do :(

The Hwachong friends remind me of all that crazy studying at class benches, all the omg whats your answer whats your answer after every a level paper, singing college songs at every schl event, maf was truly awesome and impressive as always, all the stress i really cannot deny that there was alot of stress alot of homework alot of expectations on us tutorials were overwhelming i doubt anyone ever finished an Econs tutorial, curry wok penang kitchen all the bukit timah food, tennis and all the knn i cannot breathe anymore my legs are wobbly no more line touches please, Ben for loving me and always being there for me, hardcore math tuition which could be as long as 7 hours twice a week its as though those were the days either do or die it felt really good we were all working hard.

For now, I really want to get into Adelaide/Uwa with Hz, it would be a whole new experience, summer jobs, being independent, working, studying hard, touring the country, eating good food eating and just more eating I really cannot wait, even though I know she is more inclined to go to China sigh. It felt so good sitting there talking about everything yet nothing in particular.

I really want to spend time travelling this July. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I dont know why I cant get back to sleep anymore even though its only 6am, its as though its another workday again. I cant say I am completely satisfied with work now, theres always something small/ big which will spoil the day at work. I think what I have experienced is not even as harsh as the cold hard reality, yet I cant even handle that. Half the time, I fight back the tears in my eyes, telling myself "Yvonne it will be damn loserish if you cry in front of everyone, you will be gone". I felt very terrible too when I see my other new colleague crouching at a corner looking for another job in the recruit section. This is how it works, the winner takes it all, the loser has to fall sigh. In case you think my work is all bad without fun, thats not true!! I enjoy myself when patients talk to me about life about the future about my plans (which brings me to the point that I am quite worried cause Mdm Ching says results will be out in 2 weeks time!!!!!!!!!!!). I am now more keen than ever to study in Adelaide even though quite a few people said studying in Aust is the worst thing ever, its barely recognized. I dont agree with that AT ALL cause there are true blue examples of successful aust-graduates in my life ;)



I am going for my first driving lesson later! I want to pass asap but its quite impossible seeing that my next lesson is exactly one month later and the second next lesson is in april, loser much.



i should try to get back to sleep, Slept less than 40 hours in total this week......................... probably the amount Nic and Vi sleeps in two days those lean pigs :)

I am starting to love every single minute bit of it. Its getting better by the day. I am asking more learning more growing faster. I work with a bunch of wonderful people. I couldnt have asked for more.

I am thankful. Being bilingual is definitely a +++.

There's no reason to be forgiven, no explanation for my (stupid and unethical) actions. Why cant I be the best? I dont like settling for second best. Sigh so long since happiness came from within. Oh well brand new day

V N i am tired right now i am fading

You say it best when you say nothing at all

I wish they took more responsibility to reply to us, applicants, dont they know that the feeling of waiting infinitely sucks to the max? Aniwae (hahahaha for old times sake, my exam language) I am flying off to Korea soon sigh its so cold there i dont even know what i can do except to ski ++ my kickass dopod is not 3G so goodbye friends i am uncontactable.

Merry Christmas Happy New Year!!

I am feeling terrible, I have been bad, I am sorry Jackson, talk to me soon.

Happy birthday to you too, Vi :) In all honesty, you are amazing! 18th is thus far, the best birthday we've spent together, many more to come!!!!!!!!!!!! From being excited counting down in Pam's home theatre at 12am till sitting by my door step with groggy eyes 0.o at 12am the next day............. I typed this probably ten hours ago sorry i cannot continue churning out paragraphs of happy words, I am still very affected by -. Okay help my mom to buy brittle plums from the airport thanks love you

Here's one to 2 of the most important girls in my life:



<3

Edit/ Typed this a few days back but never did publish it. Sent my laptop to Fujitsu, I prayed so hard that there was something wrong with the hardware and not a faulty battery. But no, its the battery's problem, it costs $320 to replace a battery????? Why so much, i dont understand. Sigh, how????? / Bbq at Sufan's place I was quite worried that it would be awkward initially cause I havent really been keeping in contact with most people. But whew thankfully it was alright other than the epic failure at starting a fire. I basically sat in front of the pit from 5-9 throwing paper in to get the fire started..... is that supposed to be the way to bbq??? Now its true that we always need boys to help us start the fire. Everyone's grown up now and some have started their temp jobs!!!!!! I pray hope wish Rmg accepts me, I still rmb what I promised to do with my first $1000 ;)

Hahahah i know i usually dont caption my photos but some of it are just irresistible hahahhahaha!!!!!! 



( Forward we of CGS hahahahha )